I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
