Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
