She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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