Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
