You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
