FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
