I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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