My sheets look like a crime scene.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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