This girl is more easily done than said...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
