Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just cut my nipple shaving
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
