I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
