Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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