sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
