You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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