Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
