My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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