The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
