Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
