help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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