i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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