Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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