His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
