Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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