I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
