i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
