i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Less talking, more tequila
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
