watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
