I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
