Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
