There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the liver wants what the liver wants
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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