All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
