We won't sleep together?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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