Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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