Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize