she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
