it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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