if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
