fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
