oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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