I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
