I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The ass gains better be worth it
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