He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize