so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
