no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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