I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
