please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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