i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
