i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I look better un-naked...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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