lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
