Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
