I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
