She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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