Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
