Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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