so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
