please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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