Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
