guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
