Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
