I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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