Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
