im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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