even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
