Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
