I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
