Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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