I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
