Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
