yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
