i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
