The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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